Sometimes it's good to settle down

For me 2024 became a year of trying to end constant searching. 

I think I was trying to make sense of my sudden independence (as in I no longer had parents and literally had to primarily depend on myself) and find some semblance of stability in a life that has refused to be stable for the past few years. I was also getting tired of constantly feeling like I needed something and the cyclical trial-and-error of online shopping... so I exhausted every opportunity to shop online and find the exact thing that would fill that (very specific) void.

It's been a long, pretty tedious process, but necessary and worth it, I think. It felt frivolous and shallow in the moment, but it genuinely taught me a number of important practical things.  

I've mentioned that I've reached my bag quota in this post, but really it took me a few more tries and months of reflexive online window shopping before I found the one/s I've been looking for (for real this time). The first was this dupe of the Stand Oil Joey Mini that I got at about P1500—I kind of shied away from getting an original after the Donkie bag I'd splurged on had a tiny bit of its material chip off by the third use. And it's so much better than the Connie! Sturdier and more spacious, with a strap that's as long as I want it to be and a cooler-looking leather finish. Its shape is also chicer in my opinion. I've gotten plenty of use out of it, and so far it has yet to show any signs of wear.  

The heart of every fruitless search I've gone on for the ideal crossbody bag lies in the Fossil Sutter (right), which I'd gotten as a random souvenir from my aunt. It has the perfect amount of space and  compartments, and my only problem with it is the leather has gotten so faded, one of the hooks is faulty, and it's pretty heavy so not the best for travel. I keep thinking of just taking it to get repaired so I would finally stop looking for its replacement. 

That is, until this unbranded bag style going for P1600 (left) wound up on my suggestions. It had the exact same structure as the Sutter: two front pockets, large zipped compartments outside and inside, two small pockets on the inner lining, and another large zipped compartment at the back. And best of all, it's brand new and much lighter. It's just a little smaller, but I loved that it had a lot of possible places for keeping my passport safe. (The Joey Mini doesn't.) 

It looks dressier than nylon or canvas bags but I can just take it out and sling it over my shoulder for any day. 

I also want to gush a little about this Marikina bag I got for under P300! I've written about it before, but I didn't include a picture. The hardware is thinner and the edges aren't sealed, but I love how spacious it is for such a small bag, the dark green color (it was supposed to be olive green, but they seem to have trouble differentiating since they have so many green options, including emerald and teal), and how fuss-free it is. The zipped back pocket is great for putting my keys, and there's also an inner pocket. Yay, lightweight feel and long detachable strap that makes it easy to store. 

For the last three years I'd been using my mom's vintage Ralph Lauren houndstooth wallet from the '90s, but I decided recently that it's time to retire it before it's damaged. I had the same problem about it as the Sutter: it was too perfectly structured and now I couldn't find a suitable replacement. But I splurged on a Coach snap wallet, and I've never looked back. 

I'm so happy I found this olive green jacquard version, and for a third of the price on Zalora. I'm in love with the details, especially the C-logo zipper. All I really needed were a picture window, a roomy coin purse, and a bill compartment that opened comfortably wide even after you put your cards in. (The Ralph Lauren wallet is still more comfy for me, and for a second I had to "train" my way around the new wallet since the picture window side is flipped around, but I still think I have a keeper on my hands.)  

I didn't want to use some stock image of a perfume bottle I don't even have, so I had a little fun and chose a DoJaeJung picture instead, lol.

It's been a frustrating few years for me when it comes to finding a signature scent! The one I still mourn that I used from about grade six through high school and even college was the Extra Relax variant of the Bench Overhauled line, which broke my heart when it was discontinued in 2014. It's like I've been floundering since. For a while after I became a Body Fantasies Peach Apricot girl and I thought I'd found a forever scent, but that was discontinued recently too. 

In 2023 I tried Miniso's Fancy Bubble, and I adored it (and have gotten compliments on it!). I'm putting the details here so I can always find them and I might try to find a dupe someday: top notes were grapefruit, lemon, orange; heart notes were jasmine, rose, honeysuckle; base notes were sandalwood, vanilla, musk. I don't typically like vanilla in perfume, but here it was the perfect balance needed to take Fancy Bubble to the next level. I never would've pegged it as a citrus scent. I tried to buy as many bottles as I could, but Miniso perfumes were always meant to be limited-edition. I'm on my last bottle now, and I've stopped using it so I can always remember how it smelled. 

Perfume miniatures I bought for a grand total of I-won't-admit-how-much at a pop-up

Much as I want to be a Fragrantica girlie, I just know that collecting scents is not the hobby for me and the constant experimentation just to find The One (no, not that one) felt so wasteful and like I wasn't getting anywhere. I have a sensitive nose and I'm too particular about the kinds of scents I prefer. Like, I do like fruity scents, but they need to have that depth of tartness to me for some reason—something Peach Apricot had that other peachy scents just seem to eschew. 

 

So I decided I needed something classic that wouldn't go away. My mom had left behind a full, unopened bottle of D&G Light Blue that really sustained (sustained?!) me for a while, and I think it's definitely something I can always come back to. I wanted to love Tartine et Chocolat, but it just wasn't enough for me. Finally, one time I was at a Sephora and I got to satisfy my curiosity regarding how certain Tom Ford perfumes smell, and the one that blew me away was Neroli Portofino. It smelled just like Extra Relax did, even the cottony dry-down, except Extra Relax was just a little more green. 

But like I said: not a Fragrantica girlie. You'll never catch me spending five figures on a perfume. So I bought a dupe, and I've been so happy with it. 

Another go-to of mine that was discontinued was Happy Skin's Nostalgia lipstick. It's my MLBB and no shade looks better on me. It's still amazing to me how I didn't have to look too hard to find its successor... but it did make me laugh and kind of lose my mind a little that of all lipsticks, it had to be Sunnies Face's Fluffmatte in Mood. But I can't lie, the formula is crazy smooth and wearable and there are literally no differences in hue between it and Nostalgia. (It's currently sold out everywhere, though, and that has me biting my nails a little. Let's hope it just needs a restock!) 

I also swear by MAC's Succumb to Plum and a gorgeous deep mocha called A La Mode from a brand that won't be named that's a shade of brown I haven't come across often. I don't know how to describe it, but it's a pure kind of brown that doesn't look mauve- or red-adjacent and it's a standout on morena skin. Think Janine Gutierrez' lipsticks on Lavender Fields. 

Settling also means setting boundaries and figuring out some base truths about myself. For one, I think I might not be suited to pet ownership right now, not just because I don't need another money sink and I'm still not fully functional, but also because my OCD would never let me rest about whether I'm taking care of it properly. I've also come to terms with the fact that I'm just fine never drinking again and have set hard lines when I'm out in a drink-y setting, and I'm glad that the people around me have respected that. I'm still open to it and I'm probably always down for peach schnapps or champagne, but I just don't like the discomforts that come with it and it's not worth living with them for me. 

Another thing I've accepted is that I can have a wardrobe that's 50% black, 40% grays, navies, and olive greens, and 10% everything else. There was a tweet about how people in creative fields just figure out a "uniform" instead of having to meticulously plan outfits so they'd have more headspace for their work, and while I no longer recall if it was meant to be serious or a joke, it kind of gave me this license to just dress comfortably but still dress well. 

When we switched to hybrid work and started going to the office, it was fun to really take the time and invest in key pieces and expand my closet. Keyword being "invest," because I did learn that it was worth splurging on quality brands to feel good and look good. Recently (like last month recently) I also learned to apply this philosophy to buying pants, and I've been so happy with the results. 

I know this all makes me sound like such a naive fashion amateur, but that's just because I focused too much on books when shopping as a teen, okay?  

And, well... now I don't really buy books. Don't get me wrong, I still get books digitally, but last year I had to think about the constant possibility of moving and it really stressed me out to account for all the books I own that I needed to keep pristine. (Yes, another OCD thing.) I was running out of space and I couldn't spare any more time worrying about them and needing to protect them, so I decided that my shelves have hit their limit for now. It's not like I have bookstores to buy them at anymore, anyway! [face holding back tears emoji]

I did buy the illustrated edition of The Bell Jar, because how could I not. 

I also let go of my camera collection, somewhat. Again, it was a case of burnout from "needing" to protect them all, which included having to find plenty of space (that I didn't have) since my OCD demanded that they had to be stored just so. And I'm in awe of how my brain can recalibrate sometimes, because as soon as I got my Vivitar CV35, it was like it decided I didn't need anything else. Not even the Contax T3 of my dreams. 

My mind makes itself up a lot about things like this, whether it's cameras or K-pop or whatever else, gets on one track and refuses to get off, and it's allowed me to save so much. Like, NCT 127 really is my ult group, but somehow that's not enough for me to want their albums or photocards or merch, no matter how cool they are, and I only ever open my wallet for Hoseok. (Boy, do I ever.) Maybe it's really just a case of knowing who I am and knowing what I want. I can't explain it but I'm grateful for it! 

The CV35 is such a smartly designed camera. I found a working one for about $20, and in the color I wanted. See-through, very compact and handy, and it even has a thin sliding lens cover that prevents the shutter button from being pressed when it's closed (so helpful because that's one of my worries!). The flash only needs one AA battery, and the compartment clicks open so you don't need screwdrivers. Plus, it allows double exposure.

I kept the CV35, my TolNe, a teal Aquapix, and an Aquapix with a j-hope design from a birthday cafe. I still have a Minox Leica that no longer works, which breaks my heart, and a Superheadz 110 spy book camera. For my birthday I bought a cute squishy little 110 jelly camera, although it doesn't really have the best quality. And even then, I've written about how I've decided to just use disposables when traveling because they're not much more expensive than film and I can just pull them out without fearing damaging them. 

For digital cameras, I have my Pentax Q-S1 that I need to check on one of these days. My D3000 is lying at the bottom of a closet, no longer in any condition to shoot, though it may be repaired.

Currently I'm glued to my Canon G9 X. I had it on my wish list for years as trends moved away from bulky SLRs and mirrorless cameras. People wanted to go back to basics, the compact point-and-shoots, and so did I. Everyone goes for the clunky G7 X, but I'm someone who kind of prioritizes better (read: cuter) design over specs as long as the output is decent. So in 2022, I forget how but it came to my attention that the camera was becoming obsolete and production was ceasing, meaning I had to act fast if I wanted to even find it. I dragged my dad to SM Annex, and luckily the Canon store still had them. 

We left and I spent overnight convincing myself to get it, yelling at myself that I deserved it like Vanessa Kirby going "I AM FACING THIS! I'M FACING IT!" in Pieces of a Woman. The next day, we came back, and I bought it in a one-time payment. I didn't want any more second-guessing after having it on my mind for so long. 

I was so sure that its value would decline, but it's done quite the opposite of depreciate. I checked online and saw that used G9 Xs go for more than I'd gotten it for brand new (around $420; listings go from $430 to $700) and to get one new in box, you'd have to shell out $1000. I can't be more thankful that I took the chance to buy it when I did. 

Lately when I travel, so I would pack lighter, I try to tell myself that my phone is good enough for documentation. And it is, but I want to make the most out of this camera, too.  

I can pinpoint a reason for the current market price of my camera, and of course it's that digital cameras are all the rage right now. I feel strange about it as someone who grew up with these "retro" gadgets but never really got to have them because we could never afford them. I can't help but think sometimes: It's supposed to be my turn. This Canon PowerShot E1 is my birthright. None of you have spent the last 17 years pining after it since you were 13! 

There's listings of them everywhere, even on Instagram, and a little voice would gently coax me, Why not? But having my go-to cameras across mediums and formats lets me shrug off that voice, because I know I already have everything I could ever need, and all of those pretty sample pictures are just a combination of good environments and, literally, the power of flash photography. My digicam is good, and it doesn't have to take pictures that make it look like it's 2003.  

So even if this Japanese clear toy camera is only P2000 and it's super cute, I can just put it on my blog if I want to admire it so badly. 

That's what settling really means to me. There's a lot of talk lately from influencers about "no buy" and relearning minimalism after all that overconsumption, and this journey or whatever has been similar to that, but it's mostly just me finding the (god, buzzword alert) most authentic way to be me. It's so much easier to click off a listing for yet another bag, yet another book, yet another intriguing perfume or cutely packaged lip product with a unique formulation, yet another trendy l'objet du jour because I already know and have what works best for me. 

(I'm still trying to add to my closet, though.)  

I had a lot of fun writing this blog post! Lately I've mostly gone back here whenever I've gone somewhere or something big has happened, but I have missed yapping about my daily life and my current obsessions and things that make me happy and silly pop culture headcanons. I hope to do more of it this year... but I'm definitely looking forward to blogging about Hope on the Stage Tour and I hope it will be a long entry or even series that spans across a number of shows and cities ;) 

I'm a closure junkie

Remember when I said I'd started scouting for cheap 35mm film cameras on OLX? A couple of weeks ago in the middle of my toy camera obsession I decided, on a whim, to see if there were any ads for the Minox DCC on the site. I've seen one or two on there a while ago, but I could never dream of going after them at the time and they were always gone eventually. It's not that easy to find these little guys in Manila, honestly. But that day everything seemed to align: The camera was relatively new and being sold for half the price, and I could meet the seller in UP to claim it. 

So I did just that, and I'm in love with it, terrible quality, and all. Like I anticipated, it's super lightweight (I'm too lazy to take a better photo than the one above but look how tiny! Using my glasses for size reference was a cute idea.) and easy to whip out, so I can take a picture without worrying too much, and that's definitely good for creativity. 

I honestly never thought I would ever get to own it after six years of pining. 

To conclude, here's a compilation of photos I took from the day I first got it: 

I love the Strokes.

 

♫ North Ave. I love you / But you're bringin' me down ♫

I SOLD MY SOUL TO THE PLASTIC SEA

This post should pretty much confirm that I have, indeed, entered another obsessive toy camera phase. There's an entire sort-of-underground market (based in Japan and Hong Kong more than some, I've noticed) that specializes in such (mostly) plastic perfection, and it's quite the technological marvel, actually. The products are highly collectible (sometimes limited edition, damn it!), often tinier than usual, so well-designed and colorful it should be illegal, super affordable, lightweight and portable, and best of all, actually pack a huge dose of function, if you don't mind lo-fi, unpredictable images. Basically, another amalgamation of all that I love.

I think they really manage to bring the uniqueness of analog photography into a decidedly digital world by occasionally taking away LCD screens, so you won't see what you've shot until later (and which makes for cheaper cameras, I'd bet), but also removing the need to process film. They have special features and built-in effects that give the resulting pictures character. Just point, shoot, shoot some more, then plug in to check out what you've made. Lovely. Genius. When I take my D3000 with me, I often have to deal with its size and weight, and taking pictures is more of a process because the professional quality demands for the shot to be just right. These are the complete opposite, and I can just keep snapping without worrying about it being perfect all the time. It is, after all, just playing around and experimenting and having fun, with an added element of surprise.

This is a roundup and sort-of wish list of cameras I've wanted forever and some I just recently discovered. I'm planning to get some of them this year, so that the Mini DV camera I bought last year finally has some cute company.

Digital Classic Camera Leica M3 by Minox

I first discovered this around five years ago and I haven't had any sleep since. Launched in 2003, this miniature replica of the Leica M3 goes for approximately $250, which accounts for its sleek metal body (with movable levers that don't really do anything) and leather finish. As a model fixed-focus camera, it weighs less than a hundred grams without its CR2 battery and fits right in the palm of your hand, and the latest version (5.0 megapixels) has a 32 MB internal memory and video-recording capabilities. It's also the first edition with an LCD screen (although personally I'd rather do without it) and a slot to expand memory. Image quality is decent enough, not stellar. The back feels a little clunky because part of it juts out. But, whatever, look at it! I'm still holding out hope that I'll finally be able to get myself this someday. 

Rolleiflex AF5.0 MiniDigi

Like a considerable number of people, I tend to see the Minox Leica M3 and the Rolleiflex MiniDigi as life partners, mostly since I found out about them at the same time. It's also probably because they're both classy miniature replicas that share a lot of traits: The Rollei weighs 90 grams, has a 5.0-megapixel resolution and so-so actual photo quality (in square format), is made with quality materials, is powered by a CR2 battery, and also has a memory card slot. However, the MiniDigi requires you to shell out roughly $575 (sob!) before it becomes yours. But it's almost worth it for its coolest feature, which, of course, the original twin-lens Rolleiflex cameras had, too—you take photos by positioning it at waist-level or so, as the 1.1-inch LCD viewfinder is located at the top of the body, and you need to wind that little crank on its side before you take another shot. 

Superheadz 110 Format Secret Spy Book Camera

Okay, so it's not a digital camera, but I couldn't resist including it because I'm so in love with the entire concept! Priced at $25, it passes off like any other small-ish book on your shelf, except it actually lets you shoot dreamy pictures on 110 film. So adorable I could die. (And it's no surprise, because Japanese company Superheadz has been a leading source of innovation and cuteness for photography enthusiasts.) It even has a cardboard outer case so it really looks the part. To take photos, you just need to twist the spine 90 degress to open the secret compartment holding the lens and click away. I'm ordering one off Amazon as soon as I get enough funds!

Holga Digital

The Hong Kong-based team behind the Holga Digital started their labor of love in 2014, with nothing much to go on but a brilliant idea; that is, to bring a much-adored lomo staple, the Holga, even further into the twenty-first century. Eventually, thanks to the magic of 3D printing, design, prototypes, and most of all, crowdfunding, they've managed to successfully reach their goal, gaining quite the following of Holga veterans and new fans alike in the process. The digital version has four great colors, is a little smaller than its original counterpart, weighing 100 grams, and boasts 8.0-megapixel fuss-free image-taking, although you can opt to use other Holga lenses and flash. It runs on two AA batteries and doesn't have an internal memory, instead needing an SD card. The photos have the signature vignettes and vivid colors that the camera has become known for, and you can choose between a frame ratio of 4:3 or 1:1. All that, and its base price is only $68! 

Rhianna AKA Digital Diana

My first camera after Annie was a Diana Mini Classic, so it has major sentimental value to me. I've always thought it was only a matter of time before someone attempted a digital Diana, and in 2014, Greg Dash of Cyclops Cameras fulfilled that prophecy. Like the Holga Digital, the Digital Diana was brought to life through crowdfunding, and it was subsequently christened "Rhianna" by the people who pledged for it. It borrows the Diana Mini's body and gives it the modern update it so needs through a 1.8-inch LCD rear screen, built-in filters (so many!), manual options including ISO, exposure, and white balance, HD video, and 12.0 megapixels' worth of resolution. Its images have the classic lo-fi look its predecessor produced, but users also have the option to make them sharper, and so much more. But Rhianna is quite the heartbreaker: She was limited to 1,000 units in production, going for around $110, and is now completely sold out, it seems. 

Carbon One Mini

Polaroid's Land Camera 1000 is one of their most recognizable releases to date. Carbon, a Hong Kong-based design collective, definitely took note of this, which should explain why their easy-to-use novelty digital point-and-shoot, the One Mini, takes so much after it. Look at that viewfinder! This small 5.0-megapixel wonder ($125, currently on sale for $49) lets you take pretty vintage-style photos, and there's even an optional white border to make them look like actual Polaroids. It uses 2 AA batteries and has built-in memory that can be expanded up to 32 GB. Aside from the original white, Carbon also came out with limited edition black and pink One Minis that, unfortunately, have all been snapped up. I once saw it in person at a specialty camera shop in Singapore, and it was glorious. I've needed closure ever since—I'm just hoping it arrives soon.